Pros
Super duper place for ambitious individuals to take on more leadership roles and use their skill sets to the fullest. Here are some tips for doing just that: How to be a cool guy who gets ahead at Gracenote: When asked why there are no women at the top with you, wonder aloud why they would want such a position, since they wouldn't really fit in with the guys, and like, you wouldn't want them to be uncomfortable, you know? Wring your hands in faux concern while others pat you on the back for "just being honest" about your profound respect for women and their fragile fee-fees. After all, the saying is "limitation is the sincerest form of flattery," right? Talk loudly about the spreadsheet of emojis you use to log which base you hit with your OKCupid and Tindr dates. Tell your coworkers that the woman who gave you guff about your behavior is mentally unstable and probably just wants your bits. Undermine her suggestions and authority every chance you get. Also remind everyone you're a feminist, even though you've sat out of every conversation about the rampant sexism and ageism in the company, because those just weren't the time or place, ok? Design "cultural fitness" interview questionnaires so only a narrow subset of your white 30- and 40-something male friend group can pass muster for the job. It’s cool though, you ask if they like Sonic Youth and Run the Jewels, so it's totally not sexist or racist. Besides, you voted for Hillary! Fire off some nonsense in a company message board about how we are, like, DUTY-BOUND to leave piles of dishes in the sink for the cleaning ladies to deal with, even though it causes them to fall so far behind on their other tasks that their employer threatens to terminate them -- because gosh darn it if we don’t give them a mess to clean up, WHAT will they DO for A LIVING???? WON'T YOU THINK OF THE(IR) CHILDREN??? Extra credit: When you find out the lead candidate for a promotion is the woman who pointed out that the above argument is nonsense, use your authority to have the entire position pulled. TLDR: Gaslight all the women. Put down their ideas. Repeat their suggestions. Take their credit. Like some Instagram posts from this or that women's march. Feel real good about yourself. Lather, rinse, repeat. . . . . How to be a cool chick who gets ahead at Gracenote: Warm a seat for a real long time so you can get promoted to a position of power that lets you FINALLY pay your female employees ............. $4,000 a year less than men in the same entry-level position 🙃 Ask men who successfully moved into different roles to speak at a meeting about lateral movement within the organization, because their career is just, like, SO inspiring and neato bandito. Tell a woman who expresses interest in doing the same that this is why people don't like working with her, and that if she doesn't like her job, maybe she should just leave? Withhold a promotion from a woman because she hasn't been at the company long enough. Six months later, promote her male coworker a whole two positions up, though he's been there half as long as -- and accomplished quantifiably less than -- that same woman. Use company cultural events as an opportunity to do exotic dances in front of your coworkers. Do it in "ethnic" clothing because that makes it a whole, like, educational diversity thing. ?????? Write up another woman because some guy felt uncomfortable with a grumpy face she made. Complain a few months later when someone on the street tells you to smile. Be sure to completely miss the irony. Extra credit: Reconsider a female candidate when she writes the standard follow-up email after her interview, because that's just "weird" and "aggressive". Be sure to remind everyone how much adversity you faced trying to move upward as a female 'snoter, again completely failing to recognize how you perpetuate that atmosphere of hostility. TLDR never say a n y t h i n g about the crap environment for women at Gracenote, and actively rejoice in the downfall of women who do, because you know if you keep your mouth shut but your lips parted you too will finally get promoted! Hey, Beyoncé said you should make that paper, right?
Cons
Sometimes you look at yourself and feel like a fraud who is perpetuating the very injustices you claim to rally against, and that some day everyone will find out how deeply you've internalized the patriarchy and how transparently terrified you are of actually doing anything to challenge the status quo. But just take a shot from the keg on 13 and shake it off, cuz you got this 💖
